The problem of being a middle man
Connecting the dots between opportunity and capability can have drawbacks after all.
Fueled by passion to help
I love helping people out. On one side, I see so many people quenching for ways to grow, while at the other side I see so many initiatives that encourage folks to participate and improve.
Natural instinct: Join the dots! I take extensive measures to ensure everyone in my network find out about this potential to improve and at least 10% of them benefit from the opportunity. To me, it certainly feels good.
There have been a lot of good that came out of my effort to connect the dots between opportunity and capability:
- I informed Biswas about PyCon US and now he has been selected to be a speaker for the occasion.
- I informed Jithin about an opportunity to co — author a paper and today he is one of the most participative members on board.
- I took extensive effort to ensure our Juniors participated in Hacktoberfest challenge and today they all are eager to explore the realm of coding.
I apologize if this sounds as self brag, but the point I am trying to make is helping your peers can go a long way in empowering them. Yet, no matter how good all this may seem, I seem to be going through an issue: The problem of being stuck as the middle man.
Yet, remembered as Mr. Resourceful
I find it hard to stay offline for too long because somewhere deep in my mind, I have a feeling that someone is waiting for my help and I do not want to disappoint him/her. Need assignment details? I send. Need information regarding an event? I send. Need last minute tips for the exam? I send.
While on one hand I make myself easy to approach, it has the effect of eating away my private time as there is an unspoken expectation from my end to always serve those in need. As ironic as it seems when I push individuals to step deeper into technology, I personally am a hypocrite and barely scratched the surface for the same. While most of it has to do with the fact that I poorly manage my time, this middle man problem is partly the issue why I am stuck in this permanent state of limbo.
I tend to come across so many opportunities that I end up spending more time talking about it to others rather than working towards it. I tend to loose track of those and later regret doing so when the time expires. Micromanaging so many tasks can have the impact being incapable of taking major actions to get work done.
At times I feel like I sold away a portion of my privacy as part of my mission to empower those around me. I stared to realize that all experts had a lot of solitude time that helped them perfect their skill while people like me who always feel sorry for the left out folks tend to be stuck in the never ending call center like structure, always catering to requests one after another.
So find time to help yourself
I for one spent far too long connecting the dots that I became disconnected from the network I wanted to be part of and so in time, I drifted away and no feel very distant from what I should have been.
It is good to help but do not forget to help yourself. People will always be grateful for your kindness and you may feel good about it, but years later they will climb up the ladder while you and I might be stuck still wondering how karma is unfair. If it makes you feel any good, sometimes investing in yourself over others can make you a better provider later on.
Requests will never end, but your career might if you do not take major measures against it. It is alright to be selfish and say no to others. In fact, realizing that you cannot help everyone is the first step to helping yourself. If the task requires you to be on your toes but do not want to do so due to other interests, be honest about it and leave the role. It is better to be create momentarily bitter hearts rather than to create long term sadness within.
Eventually they will understand your reasons and even if they don’t, I will. So go ahead and help yourself out.
So if you find me ignoring you or trying to take my time to respond back, it probably is because I need some me — time and clear my time to better serve you in time.
