An Advice for Advice givers
The art of guiding is beyond providing the hooks
If you are someone who has read quite a bit of my write-ups (Yes K K Joseph, I am looking at you), one word might pop up in your mind: Hypocrisy!
My image on Medium and Twitter has been Mr. Preacher with a lot of advices to pour out to anyone in need of it. And now I turn back to stop others who try the same? Talk about irony.
But to reassure you that something is different this time, here is a graph:
People change over time. A popular communist can accept the values of a capitalist society over time. A constant giver of knowledge can eventually feel drained and become a taker of resources (and vice versa).
Basically, I have now reached a point in my life where I feel most of what I did in the past — about advising and guiding others from my realizations is actually counterproductive. And here I explain why I feel so.
Before someone accuses me of plagiarism, I must clarify that everything I mention here is an add-on to the points Akshay shares in a (relatively much better written) write-up that I would recommend you go through to better understand the context of my points.
The imperfect words
For me, it becomes tempting to utilize your voice when you reach a point in your path where you have a following and you want to give them some guidance. But the truth is, if you do a poor job of conveying the message, the idea is lost forever to the listener. Its always better to reference to the source quote rather than to write a 1000 words write-up to convey the same (unless you are doing it for appreciation, something I might have subconsciously fallen for a year ago). First impression is the lasting impression.
Stealing away the pain
Suffering leaves scars but if the damage cost is not huge, those marks are absolutely worthwhile as the lessons you learn linger in your mind longer. It is the journey that adds value to your life, not the destination (most of the times, unless you live in Bangalore). So by cutting short that middle stage, you are essentially removing a significant toiling phase that they need. This short story might do better justice in providing a worthy analogy.
Speech doesn’t translate to thought
Many a times, the best way to transfer an idea is to make your listeners conjure the same in their minds — with the help of your smooth words. This is an art that many business leaders leverage to win the hearts of their followers as you can take note in Steve Job’s presentation for the iPhone. Simply stating the obvious sounds fine on paper but that’s useful for a library, not for converting into action. Most advice givers make this mistake.
Does it really need to be told?
In the era of information overload (due to multiple conflicting voices online), it is important for each one of us to ask how important is the message we wish to convey? Will it have a significant change in the system? Is this a subset of another advice or does it need to be further broken down to be well digested. Truth be told, most of my 100+ write-ups on Medium are advices for myself, kept for public display. Maybe I should have explicitly mentioned it.
Who is asking?
Stop thinking you have a moral obligation to ensure no one steps in the same puddle of water. Tell only those who ask. Otherwise be prepared to set up a stall adjacent to it, waiting for folks to pass by and alert. Is that what your life boils down to? But then, you might ask, if I do not tell them, whose job is it? This is a good question and maybe instead what you could do it tell 3 people this exists, and ask them to pass that point after telling 3 more people and telling those 3 people to pass on the information. This way, you are never stuck at that level forever and you can move on. Also, tell only if someone cares enough, else your words will be stepped upon worse than the puddle.
So if I had to summarize and give an advice to advice givers, it is this:
Have you really thought it out fully, the implication of your words?
