Age-gap : a problem to embrace
Sometimes patience can be rewarding
Like it or not, your life is biased.
From the moment you were conceived until the day breath leaves your lungs, you continuously undergo physical, emotional and spiritual changes. Reasoning takes convenient stance of being backed by alleged ‘facts’ that you hand pick to suit your opinion.
What you wholeheartedly accept at one point of your life might be severely condemned by yourself a decade later. This is because, as your grow with time, so do the people in your vicinity. Responsibilities to take on the role of the bread winner in your family consumes some head space and so you are forced to bid goodbye to certain other attributes of your past.
Does this change mean it is bad for your personality? Certainly not. It is all natural indeed to differ in your point of view. You cannot speak for your future self because you cannot be certain of the realizations you have in the time to come, nor of the changes that happen in other nodes of your network. We live in an ever dynamic world when chaos and order takes turns to challenge one to find the meaning of life.
However, what is quite unfortunate from my point of view is that as time passes by, we forget certain attributes of the past. Yes, you can blog your life, or take photographs or try any other means to document your journey but the truth is, your viewpoints continuously differ and rarely does anyone to a commendable task of recording the line of thought that occurs at each stage.
This might be part of the reason why sometimes our parents fail to comprehend our teenage mischiefs, or why teachers do not understand why we fail to comprehend certain concepts — it is because they traversed this check point way in the past when compared to you and thus have forgotten the experience.
Not only that — times change and along with the seasons, so do the problems of each generation. Fitting in the fashion trend back in the 80’s probably meant retro attire with bell-bottom pants while todays world might mean high contrast clothing.
These shifts in perspectives with both time and culture are what prove to be the root problem of age gap. One considers age gap to be the root problem when there is barely any overlap of attributes to be mutually relatable.
For me, I find it difficult to connect with my grandparents just as they do to understand my interests. Grandpa finds it shameful to see his 17 year old grandson watch cartoon while the latter feels offended of having his favorite anime being belittled before his elders.
Conversations become even more challenging because of lack of tolerance from both parties to be patient to listen when honestly, barely anything is being processed in the mind. If you try to recollect, age gap was not big of an issue when we were really small children studying in primary school. We enjoyed hugging and being loved by them. But over the years (at least for me), interest group shifts towards peers and family becomes secondary.
My parents complain of how bare little do I talk to them about life at college but the truth is that I doubt if we would synchronize well when I put in the energy to express my thoughts and maybe even my mischiefs. I remember vividly explaining the nerdy yet amazing new math concepts I had learned from coaching center to which my parents showed less interest and thus created a disengaging experience.
Don’t get me wrong. We still are in good appreciative spirits of each other but the fear of not having synchronous conversations or even nagging doubt of being judged behind my back prevents me from opening up to them.
The sad part, however, is that someday, as the seasons roll by, the tables will be turned and my heart will throb each time the next generation closes their door towards me. I think the problem is that you communicate best with the people you surround yourself with most often and during are youth, peers seem more appealing. As you get older, family comes in the forefront and you value these decade long interactions — which only complete the circle to leave you craving for more interaction time with your children.
I can understand the doubt my parents would have when I do not open up to them. Is he in wrong company? Is he wasting his time chasing lesser important matters in life? What if he makes a mistake and it is too late to fix?. I would like to believe that I have a relatively strong conscience to not fall astray on my path moving forward thanks to my sound upbringing. But the constant fear that lingers in my parents mind is totally understandable yet I cannot come to terms with the means to deal with it gracefully.
Age gap is the excuse we give when we do not wish to deal with our communication challenges. We let our fears and doubts get in the way of establishing meaningful conversations with those from a different ecosystem. Our mind is tuned to engage in conversations that give one the opportunity to relate with and comprehend because that is the reward mechanism we settle for to measure times worth.
So what does this cost? Years of disengagement for those who do not get chance to indulge in dynamic conversations — your grandparents. In my case, my grandparents yearn to have the opportunity to speak without getting brushed away by their younger ones. Yes, they tend to repeat the same old tales over and over to the point where you narrating the same would amaze them, but the truth is they do not understand what you say and so settle as speakers.
Let us face it: If you have the good fortune of living a long and exhilarating life, what would you spend your days during your retirement? The world is unfortunately designed to meet the needs and greeds of the majority — the younger ones. Being kept in the second line of interest, elderly folks are easily forgotten and your words are taken of less value. You will feel life is unfair and that the time you invested in nurturing your children has not had good return of investment.
Karma has its way around. If you do not spend the time talking to your elderly ones, no one will be there to talk to you when your shoes wear out. The key to solve the age gap problem is to empathize with the rest, to take the time to sit down and indulge with them. Yes, it might be disengaging, boring or worse, excruciating to think what else you could do with that time. But if you spent time for your elders, you will gain a couple of priceless rewards.
For one thing, you will be more patient. In this rat raced world where ones attention span is becoming lesser than a gold fish, learning to be patient will teach you how to keep aside distractions and focus solely in crafting memorable conversations with your dear ones.
Another point is you will gain priceless wisdom from those who have decades of experience to share with you. While you spend your best years battling in the workforce to rise to the top, you will realize how the lessons that your elders learned over extended period of time will help you save countless years — thus preventing you from repeating the same mistakes. However, do be mindful of what you hear and do not be naive to brush it aside just because it affects your view point or values. Diagnose to see the merits within the claims and if appreciable, implement it in your personal life.
Finally, indulging in conversations with your elders will make create better memories to hold deep to your heart long after they are gone. For some people, a day of funeral is to remember their name and position in the family but for you, I hope it is the day you realize how fortunate you were to get to take bits of knowledge and pieces of wisdom from their time in this world.
If you are at the other end of the spectrum, please spent time to listen to your younger ones. Create a judgment free safe space for them to open up to you. Do not be quick to judge them or punish them for their actions. Please be supportive and caring of them despite their flaws. Deep within, they wish to open up to you so please be patient listeners even if your life is busy.
Both young and old souls — please be mindful of the other persons time and understand that they might not quite well resonate with your viewpoints. This does not mean that they are disinterested but rather means you need to try better to be relatable to them. Also, please do not be frustrated if you do not receive the expected response. It is all part of the solution to the age-gap problem.
Remember, if you can bridge the age gap problem you unlock the ability to gain bright new view points. You children’s innocent tales can help you lead better lives in the work space. Sometimes, your parents momentary scowl will guide you from making mistakes later. Have faith in a positive end outcome of opening up to those from a different generation because where there is mutual understanding, patience and respect, definitely shall empathy rise to mold better leaders of tomorrow.
Let us all pledge to take proactive steps to be more empathetic of those from different age groups and patiently invest time indulging with them.
